Sometimes Christmas is hard.
I don’t think it’s possible to spend the whole month of December and early January absolutely loving every single aspect of life, in fact it would be pretty strange if we did. For many people it’s a time of increased social contact, more alcohol, more food, just MORE of everything. For some, it means packing a load of work in while it’s on offer before the inevitable slump come January.
But some years, it can hit harder than others. Sometimes there’s an explanation for this - a breakup, an argument, money problems, grief, depression, there are so many. Sometimes it’s the big obvious things and sometimes it’s the small things that catch you off guard and send you into a ginormous crash.
Quite a few years ago I went through a divorce and it took a long time for everything to settle - years in fact. Nothing has been the same since and while it was unbelievably hard to deal with everything, I am much better at looking after myself and knowing when things are slipping. We separated just before Christmas in 2006 - I’ll talk more about spending Christmas on your own on another post - and one of the worst things I found was dealing with other people’s assumptions and opinions.
Ever since then I’ve tended to withdraw from the world when things get difficult and I don’t think I’m the only one. As a card-carrying extrovert, someone who gets the bulk of their energy from interaction with other people, this was a totally new experience for me and for a long time I didn’t feel like myself.
I’m lucky that I enjoy that now. Large swathes of time on my own are not the threat they used to be, although if it’s not something I’ve chosen I can struggle. The Beast from the East a couple of years back was a great example of that - I’d just lost Wendy the very quiet but now very snuggly greyhound, and I really had cabin fever after a couple of days of dreadful weather, no one to talk to and no milk!
There is an internet full of cliches and inspirational quotes, podcasts and books full of self-help from people who are well-meaning but also very lucky, and we all have people who will offer to listen without really knowing what that involves.
I’d like to make a case for a simpler way - a little self-indulgence to patch things up until you’re stronger, or the moment passes.
Sometimes it’s not as easy as that, and of course I’m not suggesting that things like grief or depression can be covered up with a cinnamon bun and a new notebook. But sometimes asking the question “what will make me feel better right now” is a good start.
Having a ‘meh’ list that has built up over the years helps me tremendously. Sometimes none of it works of course, and if there are more than a few days of that, then I know it’s time to have a bigger think about what’s really going on and see about talking to someone if I need to. But again, sometimes a small thing will have a big impact.
Here a few of my favourite low-cost things to do when the fug hits:
Buy a cinnamon bun (or other bakery and/or low-cost treat)
Wander round the makeup aisles in the biggest Boots or Superdrug I can find. Somewhere you’ll be left alone and you can dab bright glittery things on your hands as much as you like without any social interaction.
Go for a short run - this rarely fails for me but I accept it’s not for everyone!
Buy a really nice bottle of wine - also not for everyone, and there are times when it’s the last thing that would make me feel better
Start planning a trip, especially one that needs a map to do so
Scroll through Liz Climo’s instagram account - cartoons of animals helping each other
Watch a video about a rescued goose on The Dodo (see below)
Have a bath or a long shower, go to bed and hope it will be better tomorrow
Watch TV - old episodes of The Bill always work for me
Try not to do anything permanent and/or irreversible
At work last week, we had an email with a really helpful link to a leaflet published by Fife Council called Surviving Christmas and New Year. It was so good.
Some of it is very area-specific, but the advice is excellent - there really is something in there for everyone. I particularly love the Christmas Not To Do List on page 5!