Day 4

Ceremony of Carols is one of the English composer Benjamin Britten’s most famous works, written for small choir and solo harp. There’s a beautiful New York Times article from 1986 here that talks a little about Britten and how Ceremony of Carols was written.

Confession time… not only have I never had a gig on Valentine’s Day or New Year’s Eve, but I’ve never done Ceremony of Carols. Well, not the whole thing anyway, and the bits I’ve done have been with different choirs and soloists.

I’m quite prone to a visit from the Fraud Police ((c) Amanda Palmer - i.e. the ones who make you feel like a total imposter), but it gets particularly bad at this time of year.

As an English pedal harpist, this seems quite rare. A couple of weeks ago, my Instagram feed announced the start of Christmas – the tricky sections of Ceremony of Carols, practiced all ways – slow, fast, all manner of dotted rhythms, pedals only, eyes shut and sometimes all of the above.

(Just kidding on that last one, but if you think that sounds tricky, watch this incredible video of violinist Hilary Hahn taking the Ling Ling workout on the brilliant Two Set Violin! Thanks to Rachel Hair for telling me about these guys… they are superb but be warned, you’ll lose hours of your life and you won’t even regret it.)

At first I thought it was because I wasn’t a proper harpist, and then I moved to Scotland where it isn’t really performed very much, and I realised that perhaps Ceremony of Carols just wasn’t meant to happen for me.

This meme started circulating last year and it perfectly captures how many harpists feel about it – glad of the cash (as well as enjoying the music of course)

via BellaVoce Chicago and Jordan Thomas - Twitter was cropping the image, sorry!

As a bonus, the music is incredibly beautiful and thankfully extremely satisfying to play, as it’s quite challenging in places - particularly if you are small as I can tell you it’s a mighty big reach for your right foot to get round to your A pedal in That Yonge Child.

Each year, I get the sheet music out and promise myself I’ll learn the whole lot just so I feel less left out, and just in case all the harpists in England and Scotland are suddenly rendered unable to play.

My list of “things I’d really love to play” gets bigger every year, and particularly so at Christmas.

So this year, I’ll dust off the music, play a couple of pages to myself, say “ah next year maybe” and I’ll send my thoughts and prayers and solidarity to my fellow harpists.

Wolcum Yole indeed!

I’d love to hear what makes you fearful of a visit from the Fraud Police… I can’t be alone surely!

PS - I haven’t been able to embed the video today, but if you’d like to listen to Ceremony of Carols there’s a beautiful version on YouTube here

Day 16

Sometimes Christmas is hard.

I don’t think it’s possible to spend the whole month of December and early January absolutely loving every single aspect of life, in fact it would be pretty strange if we did. For many people it’s a time of increased social contact, more alcohol, more food, just MORE of everything. For some, it means packing a load of work in while it’s on offer before the inevitable slump come January.

But some years, it can hit harder than others. Sometimes there’s an explanation for this - a breakup, an argument, money problems, grief, depression, there are so many. Sometimes it’s the big obvious things and sometimes it’s the small things that catch you off guard and send you into a ginormous crash.

Quite a few years ago I went through a divorce and it took a long time for everything to settle - years in fact. Nothing has been the same since and while it was unbelievably hard to deal with everything, I am much better at looking after myself and knowing when things are slipping. We separated just before Christmas in 2006 - I’ll talk more about spending Christmas on your own on another post - and one of the worst things I found was dealing with other people’s assumptions and opinions.

Ever since then I’ve tended to withdraw from the world when things get difficult and I don’t think I’m the only one. As a card-carrying extrovert, someone who gets the bulk of their energy from interaction with other people, this was a totally new experience for me and for a long time I didn’t feel like myself.

I’m lucky that I enjoy that now. Large swathes of time on my own are not the threat they used to be, although if it’s not something I’ve chosen I can struggle. The Beast from the East a couple of years back was a great example of that - I’d just lost Wendy the very quiet but now very snuggly greyhound, and I really had cabin fever after a couple of days of dreadful weather, no one to talk to and no milk!

There is an internet full of cliches and inspirational quotes, podcasts and books full of self-help from people who are well-meaning but also very lucky, and we all have people who will offer to listen without really knowing what that involves.

I’d like to make a case for a simpler way - a little self-indulgence to patch things up until you’re stronger, or the moment passes.

Sometimes it’s not as easy as that, and of course I’m not suggesting that things like grief or depression can be covered up with a cinnamon bun and a new notebook. But sometimes asking the question “what will make me feel better right now” is a good start.

Having a ‘meh’ list that has built up over the years helps me tremendously. Sometimes none of it works of course, and if there are more than a few days of that, then I know it’s time to have a bigger think about what’s really going on and see about talking to someone if I need to. But again, sometimes a small thing will have a big impact.

Here a few of my favourite low-cost things to do when the fug hits:

• Buy a cinnamon bun (or other bakery and/or low-cost treat)

• Wander round the makeup aisles in the biggest Boots or Superdrug I can find. Somewhere you’ll be left alone and you can dab bright glittery things on your hands as much as you like without any social interaction.

• Go for a short run - this rarely fails for me but I accept it’s not for everyone!

• Buy a really nice bottle of wine - also not for everyone, and there are times when it’s the last thing that would make me feel better

• Start planning a trip, especially one that needs a map to do so

• Scroll through Liz Climo’s instagram account - cartoons of animals helping each other

• Watch a video about a rescued goose on The Dodo (see below)

• Have a bath or a long shower, go to bed and hope it will be better tomorrow

• Watch TV - old episodes of The Bill always work for me

• Try not to do anything permanent and/or irreversible

At work last week, we had an email with a really helpful link to a leaflet published by Fife Council called Surviving Christmas and New Year. It was so good.

Some of it is very area-specific, but the advice is excellent - there really is something in there for everyone. I particularly love the Christmas Not To Do List on page 5!

Day 7

clockwise from left to right - me, Tess Nurman, Nicole Mueller, Deborah Henson-Conant, Jana Kozlowski

Today is about the internet, and particularly social media, and I mean in a good way. 

Being a harpist can be quite lonely sometimes. 

If you play in an orchestra, you might be surrounded by other musicians but you’re often the only person in your section and you arrive before everyone, leave after everyone (unless it’s Symphonie Fantastique and then the percussion section will still be there for hours after you) and you have to tune in your breaks so you miss getting to know people over coffee. You also have to drive home afterwards, meaning you miss out on any bonding drinks or after-parties that may happen.

If you go to music college, you might meet a handful of other harpists, and if you’re lucky you might hit it off with one or two of them who will become some of your closest friends. You might get to know a couple of other harpists within your local area but if you’re in the sticks it might be 50-100 miles to drive to borrow a string if you need one. 

And then… (breathing a sigh of relief)... came the internet, and in particular Instagram, which has helped me find my own place in the harp community. 

Thanks to the internet, I was able to learn more about the pioneering harpist DHC and the life-changing mentorship programme she offered. I had seen something about this a few years previously, but at the time I couldn’t afford to spend a few months in Boston studying with her in person. 

Now, though, it was possible to study with her online. This opportunity was truly a game changer for me - within a couple of weeks I had a small network of fellow harpists from all over the world all going through the same programme, and then we met in person in Cardiff on a retreat which was where the above picture was taken. There are five nationalities represented in this photo.

Before DHC, there was Twitter where I ‘met’ Brandee Younger, the harpist who plays on this video. She’s a pioneering jazz harpist, and I started to think about all the different things you could do with/on a harp. She lives in New York, which I never really gave much thought to until my doctor said he was getting married and asked if I knew any harpists in New York…. Yes I sure did! Brandee was free and so the deal was sealed. A few months later Brandee’s partner Dezron happened to be playing a jazz gig at the RCS in Glasgow and so I got to meet him. 

I think it was a couple of years ago when Brandee posted this video, and it’s just beautiful. The song itself is so simple and so effective, the vocal is gorgeous as is the harp, and overall the song is wonderful. It’s also another ear worm! 

There are a few others that were recorded at the same time that Brandee plays on, also on YouTube: Snowman, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, and Silent Night

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I got to meet another couple of Twitter pals - Scottish trad harper Rachel Hair who now lives just one street away from me, and Shana Norton who lives in Austin, Texas and who I instantly recognised when I was queuing for something at the Edinburgh Harp Festival a few years back. Her first question after we gave each other a huge hug was, “How are your hounds?” and so of course I loved her instantly! Anyone whose Twitter bio includes the word “pirate” is surely someone to hold dear.

Since then, mostly on Instagram I’ve found a place to share the occasional video of something I’m working on, the bizarre things that can happen on gigs that no-one else really understands, the ups, the downs, the excitement of getting a new harp, and generally just a feeling of belonging that I would never have found in real life - our instrument is just not that common and having people who really get it, well that’s a real comfort.

I also find that seeing so many people doing such incredible things with their harp gives me a lot of ideas for my own work.

Back in April this year, four of us got together and launched a month-long Instagram challenge just for harpists. #Harpril may not have had the coolest title, but the general idea was embraced by many harpists all around the world. Before long we were getting more than 100 posts per day on the hashtag, and it had such an impact that the American magazine Harp Column picked up on it. This article was the result:

https://harpcolumn.com/blog/q-and-a-with-katherine-harrison

Clockwise from the top left - Zuzanna Olbryś, me, Nana Welsh, Eve Brzozowska

Something a lot of people might not know further afield is that our friend Eve (in the photo with the parrot) died earlier this year.

As my friend Claire said while she officiated at my wedding ceremony a few weeks ago, “there are times when you miss those people that extra bit more” and Christmas and weddings are definitely among those times.

Eve was already very ill by the time Harpril came, and she was going through some horrendous treatment for the breast cancer that was gradually spreading.

But she loved scrolling through the Instagram posts when she was awake through the night - the global nature of it meant that the hashtag was constantly updating - and I loved going online each morning to see the comments she’d left on people’s posts overnight when she was able to do so. I’d also send her pictures of cute but obscure animals via Facebook messenger, and among the times when I miss her most are when there’s a photo of an angry-looking owl on the internet and I can no longer send it to her. Now I tell her about it in my head and I hope she sees it somehow.

Harpril rather took over that month, but it was great to ‘meet’ so many more harpists, some of whom are doing some incredibly cool and unusual things. A lot of people talked about the financial struggle of being a musician with a ridiculously expensive instrument, about education, and about bananas among many other things.

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It would be very easy to fall into a comparison trap being regularly confronted with so many amazing harpists and all their latest incredible projects, but as another wise Glasgow-resident harpist pal who I first met via social media says, if you’re doing something completely different it’s much harder to compare yourself against other people. 

So today is a celebration of the best of social media. Here a few of my favourite photos of social media-inspired real life gatherings.

Above: Harpist Eleanor Turner (centre) came to Glasgow to perform with her folk band Ranagri, so we took the opportunity for a harpists’ gathering! Look at those “wow there are others like me” smiles!

Left to right - Nana Welsh, Eve Brzozowska, Ellie, me, Rachel Hair

Above: Harpist Olivia Jageurs was touring with The War of the Worlds and she was also training for a marathon at the time, so when she came to Glasgow, we met up and did the 3k on the Green race together one Friday lunchtime in November last year - definitely one of my more unusual and therefore one of my favourite social media/real life harp meetings! Some of the best meetings involve no harps at all….

The weather was typically Glasgwegian and we got SOAKED!

Above: Another photo with Eve and Ellie - I’d met Ellie for the first time the day before when she came to the Edinburgh Harp Festival and I booked a lesson with her.

In proper social media/real life meeting style, we spent the first few minutes of the lesson squealing at each other while giving each other a big hug.

Ellie had some very important advice for me as I was still finding my way as a harpist - “You need to find your tribe”

It took a while, but social media has played a huge role in that and I feel like I have that tribe now - that important group of people who I can ask for practical/emotional support, but also people that I give my support to equally. Ellie remains one of my biggest harp inspirations, and she was for Eve too.

Above: Keziah Thomas was playing an Advent concert in Crystal Palace a couple of years ago, and I couldn’t believe it when it coincided with the weekend I was in London visiting friends and family. I had to go and it was wonderful!!

I’d known Keziah for YEARS via Facebook and then Instagram and via one of my harp teachers and it was so, so, SO good to finally meet her in the flesh.

A recital she did way back in 2011 was the re-starting point for me with the harp - the point I realised there was more for me to do with it and I must keep trying to find my own way - and she remains one of my biggest harp idols.

Day 23

This would have been behind Door 24 for Christmas Eve post, but there’s something else going on that day (!) so here we go on Day 23 instead.

A few years ago at one of the places I used to work during the Essex years, we had Radio 1 on in the office. It was Christmas 2007 and I was leaving work early to head north to see my family for a couple of days. The whole office fell silent as we listened to this incredible reading from a rather unexpected voice, the last piece on Jo Whiley’s lunchtime show before she finished up for Christmas.

Ja Rule has been part of my Christmas celebrations ever since (along with at least one trip on the M6, at least one M&S Turkey Feast sandwich and at least one Christmas Costa) and I’ll put this on later today while I wrap my presents.

There’s no festive travelling this year, which is a definite break with tradition. I’ll catch up with people in the New Year. I made a promise to myself that I’d enjoy Christmas without feeling like a frazzled wreck this year. and that has meant making some hard choices about how to use my time.

Today is the first day off work I’ve had in a while, and I’m really enjoying my break so far. It’s very much needed. The rain is battering the windows outside, so Christmas must be on its way.

A wee reminder that at 9pm on Christmas Eve (eek that’s tomorrow!) I’ll be live-streaming a short cosy Christmas concert via my Facebook page.

The link to all the information is here - I hope to ‘see’ you there!

Day 14

My harp hero Keziah’s harp at her advent concert in Crystal Palace (2017 I think)

Today’s post is about dreams, goals, aspirations and ambitions - some for next year, some more general.

I was at a party recently talking to another musician about the sort of existential crisis some of us have from time to time, and I found myself telling her I used to threaten to give up the harp altogether about every three years.

My last time was in 2016 which meant I was due for one of those phases this year, but while there has been a lot of soul-searching in the last few months (and particularly over the last week when my large harp insurance payment was due out of my bank account!), I don’t feel the urge to give up any more.

There are definitely times when I want to play more, and times where both the harp and I are sick of each other and we need a rest, but I’m much better at accepting the lulls now. There are lots of other things I enjoy doing, and I can’t do them all at the same time.

This year more than any other, I’ve had to accept there aren’t enough hours in the day and it’s not sustainable to carry on as I have been in previous years. I haven’t run as much this year, and that has had a lot of knock-on effects on other areas of my life and how I feel about myself.

Running makes me happy!

Which leaves a different question - no longer “Do I really want to do this,” but instead “How do I make the best use of my time?” What do I let go, and what do I say “hell yes” to and make room for.

More importantly, the last few weeks I’ve been reminded of some of extraordinary but very ordinary runner Rosie Swale Pope’s words in her incredible book ‘Just A LIttle Run Round The World (5 Years, 3 Packs of Wolves, and 53 Pairs of Shoes)’

I follow my wilderness rules: Never stop halfway up a hill, only when you’re over the top. Leave space and energy to deal with anything unexpected that happens.

(It’s an incredible book even for those who hate running, I always recommend it when people ask me for a good read)

Those last words have been the tricky bit this year - it has been really difficult fitting everyone and everything in and I’ve hopelessly failed to get the balance right.

When I started to think about planning harp stuff for the last quarter of the year, to be able to squeeze everything in would need military levels of scheduling for December. I wanted to see what that was like, what I could achieve, what was possible.

But the thought of having to do that for an extended period of time, to have to perpetually say no to fun stuff that pops up around the edges, to not having spontaneous time to go out for dinner or an extra run because it’s a nice day or to go to a party or be with friends I’m desperate to see but who need a weekend of travelling to get to or to just flop on the sofa.... That now feels difficult.

I’ve never really felt confident talking about my day job in the context of all the musical stuff that I do, but this year more than any other, I’ve realised that I can no longer do it all and maybe it’s time to admit that to myself and to start making some changes.

I had a month off work in the summer which was supposed to be the answer (or at least to help figure out the answer!), but with nothing scheduled I actually really struggled emotionally. I realised I function best when I have something time-critical to organise everything else around, but I’m not sure if that’s healthy either.

There are some small changes to make - the harps will come home at some point which will mean practice will be logistically easier although more easily distracted. Soon I’ll be back in a regular running/gym schedule - I’ve needed the break, but I definitely feel better about myself when I’m running lots and out in the hills lots.

Sat by Wastwater in the Lake District with a glass of wine from the YHA after a long day running

But there are also some big dreams ahead for the next couple of years - finding my sound, writing and recording enough material to release an EP then maybe an album, performing more, finding my open mic tribe again, putting another show together, maybe taking it to the Fringe.

Those all need time and space to form and to grow, so I need to make room for that, and I need to allow for the fact that some of it will sound terrible and I need to not be afraid of that.

I’m not the only one who’s been thinking and reflecting in this way - there have been a couple of really excellent blogs in the Trad Music Forum recently, coincidentally by other harpists.

Ailie Robertson - How do we define Success as self-employed musicians?

Sarah MacNeil - The War of Art

For now though, over the last couple of days I’ve drunk some wine, met some friends, my bank account will thankfully be fine, and I’m off to get my running shoes on.